THOMAS VOEKLER: MY TONGUE IS BEAUTIFUL
Footage of Thomas Voekler taking the extraordinary action of stopping mid-race to retort to a Dutch fan who called his tongue-heavy facial rictus “ugly” has emerged.
The Europcar rider, famed for his expressive and entertaining facial expressions as he either embarks on doomed breakaway attempts or sits 20meters off the back of the peleton in a bid to get quality TV time, stops his bike and shouts at the spectator, an 8’ tall Dutch man built like a brick-shithouse, before realising that at 5’3” and 48kg he should probably just ride on lest his ickle Colnago be re-housed somewhere up his colon.
The Dutch have a particular dislike Voekler not only for his facial exertions but also his failure to stop and give Dutch rider Jonny Hoogerland CPR after being ran over by a France 3 TV car in the 2012 edition of the race, despite his not being a medical professional or otherwise able to alter the fact the Dutchman was entangled in a barbed wire fence.
Plaque Superieure commends Voekler for fighting his own corner, even if he does spend most of the Tour looking like he’s staring in his own bukkake-centric porno movie.